Friday, June 25, 2004

Dirty David

A dick is a dick, right? I have one, you have one. Every man out there grabs his dick several times a day. Picture the President holding his tallywacker. He does it. Tony Blair? It's in his hand six times a day (small bladder and all). Osama Bin Laden? Once a day, camel influence. George Washington palmed his organ multiple times a day. Hell, Michael Jackson never puts his away. As human beings we have admired the human form for thousands of years. Sculptors have learned through great effort how to mimic the human form until it represents a likeness that impresses all those who see it. In particular David, by Michaelangelo.

Bear with me. In 1503 a painter and part time sculptor was given a large piece of granite, riddled with cracks, that no other sculptor was willing to attempt. With it he created a massive human form, standing 14 feet tall that took 3 years to complete and he called it David. The poor condition of the marble wasn't Michaelangelo's only hindrance, but also the fact that someone had already tried to use the massive rock and a crack caused a chunk of it to fall off. Michaelangelo shifted David's weight onto his right leg to counter this flaw and managed to finish the sculpture without tragedy.

Initially, the people in his community shunned it for its massive nudity. A fig leaf was placed over his genitals, but still people threw rocks at it and the city had to eventually hide it to protect it from vandals. Finally, enough time passed and society accepted David in the nude and he was brought back out, leafless, to stand in all his glory.

600 years later my city has placed a replica of David at the entrance of a high end socialite mall. And guess what?

The city rebelled against David's massive nudity (actually, he's not THAT massive at all). Old blue-hair's from all over showed up at the city council meeting crying out, "Pornography!" The city council buckled and now we have all been shielded from David's carnal treasures by a foot long plaster fig leaf.

So much for progress.

I should have given those uptight bitches a live example of what porn really is.