Tuesday, June 08, 2004

Don't trust a broker. We're tainted

Our weekly sales meeting was yesterday. Fifteen minutes after the close, just like always. Yesterday's topic was a new closed-end fund coming out by Calamos. Calamos is a great company in my opinion, but I really hate the manager forcing it down our throats because he gets a bigger bonus based on our sales. I think that's bullshit. Fuck the client's needs. Give me my damn check.

Last year, managed accounts were all the rage. You see, upper management, I'm talking about UPPER, dudes so high up some day I hope to see the soles of their shoes, well they decide how much of a bonus each branch manager will get based on the total number of sales in his branch. I don't care how prestigious your investment firm is, this is a business and those guys are here to collect your money. So now the BM (it's such an appropriate acronym) has his quota and he starts pushing the advisors. "Come on, guys. This isn't Schwab. We don't do day trading. We want our clients in managed accounts. I want to see each of you open up 5 new managed accounts this month or you're a fucking loser and I'll fire your asses. Let's move, folks!"

Forty men drag their asses out of the conference room, convince their clients the best thing for them is to convert their commission accounts to managed accounts regardless of trading patterns, and get their monthly pat on the back. Next month, everyone needs an IPO! (Initial Public Offering - the first time a company offers shares of either a stock or mutual fund.) Take note, when your advisor calls you with something that just came out that is perfect for you - just remember he's only doing it because his manager is trying to collect that bonus and your brokers's ass is on the line. A true advisor will call you for no reason, just to be sure nothing dramatic has changed in your financial status.

So far I've been under the radar. The BM is a bastard. He tells people they suck because to him, that's motivating. One of these days I'll go off on him. You know, when I don't need a job anymore.

Mike isn't here today. I'm wondering if the DEA picked him up. I bet Sarah would know.