Wednesday, June 09, 2004

Eat the rich

What a fucking drama. I have one client who set up an UTMA account for her children years ago. This is an account that transfers ownership to the minor it was established for at the age of 21 (in my state). Then she proceeded to pack it year after year because of the tax loophole. I warned her it would come back to bite her, but what the fuck, I'm just her advisor. Now her kids have reached the age of maturity and the money is ALL THEIRS. Twin boys, 21, away at college, just made some bank. She's desperate to keep the money out of their hands, but dammit, how many times have I told her not to use an UTMA for college money?

I don't feel sorry for her. Problem is, her accounts are several million. If I piss her off she'll leave me and there goes about $9k per year of my paycheck. So what do I do? Lie to her.

"Mrs. Moron, I understand completely where you're coming from. I want to do everything I can to make you happy." So now I'm spending my valuable time sitting around trying to figure out how to preserve a quarter million dollars PER BOY to keep her happy. In the end, Sarah, did I mention she's phenomenol in this business?, suggested converting the accounts to joint accounts rather than individual so that Mrs. Moron can make her sons THINK she still has partial control over them. Of course, she does not, but if you're mom gave you a quarter mil and told you she'd take it all away if you went mad with it wouldn't you believe her? They're college students, what the hell do they know about the law?

On a good note - I brought in a $2 million dollar account from Merrill. Sorry broker dude, he liked me better. Converted it to a managed account with PCM and next month I'll line my pockets with the fruits of my labor.

I haven't been laid in months. Not that you care, but damn I'm sick of it. Ladies - you're soft, warm, smell nice, and have all the right pockets for me to put things in. Damn you.