Monday, June 21, 2004

Good old fashioned ass whipping

The market sucked ass today. We all have TV's in our offices and ever since they ditched satellite and got cable we've been surfing the other channels after the close. Today Sarah requested I turn it to Dr. Phil and turn it up so she could hear it from her desk. The topic was raising a materialistic child. Personally, it didn't seem like a very complicated issue to me.

I have no children, that I know of, but I had a dog once, almost twice, which qualifies in my own opinion as an expert in the child-rearing arena. Okay, so back to Dr. Phil's patients. A woman has mortgaged her home three times to pay off the credit card debt she has wracked up to keep her 17 year old Paris Hilton wannabe happy. She's bought her three cars, 50 pairs of shoes, and a different outfit for every day of the year, which is only worn once a year. Now the mother is working several jobs and going into debt and has desperately sought out the advice of Dr. Phil on how to stop this downward spiral into bankruptcy. Let Dr. Jay answer that one for you:

Tell the little bitch NO every once in a fucking while! How hard is that? Your kid is spoiled and screams that she hates you every time you tell her you won't buy her something. And you don't know what to do about that shit? I'll tell you one thing right here and now, parent or not, someone tells me she hates me because I won't buy her a Prada purse, that cow won't be getting shit from me for the rest of her life. You want to know my opinion on what's wrong with spoiled, materialistic teenagers nowadays? If not, turn away because here it comes:

Nobody is whipping their asses! Don't give me that, "I put little Timmy into timeout and sometimes that actually works." Bullshit! You drop Timbo's pants and spank that ass until its rosy red and march his blubbering rear end to his bedroom. The rule was in our house, after the whipping, you can sit on your bed and read any book you want. Period. No TV (yeah right, like I had one), no games, no phone, if you're bored then pick up the floor. Otherwise, sit down and read.

I have read more shit in my lifetime. And the books my parents gave us weren't some purple dinosaur or queer teletubbies. Hell no. I read Hamlet, Midsummer Night's Dream, The Grapes of Wrath, Bridge to Teribithia, Raisin in the Sun, The Yellow Wallpaper, Kilimanjaro, Brave New World. Shit no kid wanted to read. That was worse than the ass whipping at the time.

My old man was a fucking genius.