Tuesday, June 29, 2004

Sex Ed 101

"It's not the size of the ship, it's the motion of the ocean."

Yeah, but you can get a lot more people to ride a carrier than you can a canoe.

How about a little Sex Ed 101. Why the fuck not? If you had something better to do you wouldn't be here, now would you?

Lesson #1
Gravity is a motherfucker. It does not like your titties. It does not like my balls. If you make fun of mine, I will make fun of yours.

Lesson #2
Lick them. Don't bite them. I am not afraid to knock you the fuck out.

Lesson #3
A human being has a finite number of orifices. Don't waste them.

Lesson #4
Don't tell me they are real when they are not. I know a ripple when I see one.

Lesson #5
Want guests? Trim the lawn.

Lesson #6
Sex is never free. You either pay your $50, or hand her your balls on a platter along with a $9k ring. You do the math.

Lesson #7
"I said RIM, not RAM!" Now step the fuck back, you nasty motherfucker.

Lesson #8
If you have to ask, "What's that smell?" it's best you move on.