Saturday, July 24, 2004

He loves me, he loves me not

I was scrolling through that focker’s archives and found this post. Did everyone else read this? I guess I missed it when it was first posted:

Sunday, June 20

It was twice as good as I thought it would be, and I thought it would be the most amazing thing I have ever done.

I don't have the words to do the experience justice. It was simply incredible. We jumped from about 13,000 feet, our bodies strapped tightly together. As my coach and tandem instructor, Jay, pointed out, that's more than ten times as high as I jumped from in the Army.

My harness was hooked to Jay's. We squatted in the open door, cool, almost cold wind rushing through the open cargo bay of the plane. I could not stop laughing at the joke we were going to play on all of Bloggy Land. It was the most exhilarating feeling, thinking about the fake cat fights we would come up with on our way down. We rolled out and all I could hear was the wind buffeting us. We stayed in a good hard arch and Jay did some fucking impressive aerial maneuvers whilst I screamed like a little bitch. We would spin one way, then another. Tight, flat circles. So, so fast. Flying. I started bawling for Mommy, but he brought me back to reality with a swift knee to the ass and I regained control. We were in freefall for about a minute, plenty of time to decide which of us would be the bully and pick the fight and which of us would be the victim. I didn't have any sensation from the neck up any more so I let him choose and I got stuck with the role of pansy ass victim. Fuck him, I’d do the role right. Just wait till he posts that picture of the dog with a dildo. They’ll rebell against him and I’ll get the last laugh. Gradually, the ground began to get closer as our plotting drew to an end. Jay opened the canopy at about 5,500 feet.

He was patient, just like Mrs. Fellatio, my special education teacher, as he showed me how to steer and gave me the controls. A high performance sport parachute, easily a hundred times more responsive than the Gladlock Bravos I used to jump. Pull down on the left or right handle and you are suddenly parallel to the ground, torn in the new direction. I just could not believe the speed. When I felt Big Jay poking my kidney I laughed and laughed. I never dreamed it would be as fun, as awesome, as it was. Amazing. We finalized our plan of attack while I got to play around some, zooming here and there, always drawing nearer to our Drop Zone.

After about five unbelievable minutes of alone time with him, Jay took the controls from me and brought us into the DZ. We were flying towards the ground at an incredible rate of speed, and at the last second, Jay flared, slowing us dramatically, and we touched down to a standing landing, something I was forbidden to do in the Boy Scouts, under penalty of UCMJ action. It was like stepping off a curb. It was insane. His touch was so gentle.

It was funner than fun. Scuba diving was fun. This was fun in capital letters. F!! U!! N!! I'm getting excited just thinking about him-er, I mean, it. No wonder there are so many fanatics out there who live to jump on the weekends. Well, add one more to the mix. I have already signed up for Ground School. One more tandem jump and then I’m solo. I can't wait. But first I must follow through with my plan to herd the sheep.

Hope everybody's weekend was half as much fun as mine. The combination of jumping and knowing Jay wants to be my friend puts this weekend at the top of my list.

p.s. Vader, you never once fell for it, did ya? Smart girl. Or did Jack give you a heads up we were going to do it…?