Tuesday, July 27, 2004

I'm a sucker for the ladies

“uncle day, i want baaaaarneeeee. uncle day, i want baaaarneeeee. uncle day, i want baaaarneeeee.”

“There’s no Barney. He went nite-nite.”

My two year old niece ponders this piece of information for a moment before coming up with her own resolution. “uncle day, i want tubbietubbies. uncle day, i want tubbietubbies. uncle day, i want tubbietubbies.”

“Kadybug, Uncle Jay is watching the DNC so he can intelligently tell those far left liberals what’s wrong with their way of thinking.”

She has pure blue eyes and cute white teeth that she chooses to display to me in a big smile. Her head cocks to the right. “uncle day, i want bubbygum. uncle day, i want bubbygum.”

I sigh and turn up the volume on the TV. “Where is your mother?”

“where is yer mud-der?”

“Yes, where is your mother?” I glance at the clock. It will be at least another hour before my sister gets back to get Katy. I hear the faint jingle of the tea pot song in the front room where I futilely left her CD playing to entertain her. “Go in the bedroom and sing Tea Pot.”

“tea pot?”

“Yes, go sing Tea Pot in the bedroom.” Another green notch is added to the TV volume.

“no! no tea pot!”

“Katy, please, let Uncle Jay watch this TV show. See that really big man right there?”

She glances at the TV. “uh huh.”

“He’s big like that because he’s full of hot hair like a balloon.”

Her eyes light up and I was again flashed those cute little teeth. There must be nearly two dozen of them in there. “bal-looooon? i want bal-looooon!”

What did Kennedy just say? “Shhh, Katy, please.”

“uncle day, i wan-na fwacker.”

“What did he just say?” I ask my invisible friend. “Kerry is a fitting heir? For what, ketchup?”

“uncle day, i want chock-it milk. uncle day,” she pats my leg. “uncle day?”

What, Katy? What? What in God’s name can I provide for you at this very moment in time so that you will let me watch this show?”

She froze, unsure of how to react to suddenly being the center of attention. Damn, but she looks just like my sister. She blinked and for just a moment I thought I was going to have to eat a bullet for hurting her feelings.

“kiss you?” and she puckered up, her top lip protruding farther than her bottom in a silly platypus kind of way.

I grinned at her, manipulative little female, and gave her a kiss. Ah, shit. “Katy, do you want to watch Barney?”

“yeah! dank you, uncle day!” She ran and sat on her little yellow chair directly in front of the big screen and put her hands on her knees in anticipation, as if it were the front row in a cinema.

“Your welcome, Kadybug.”