Thursday, July 22, 2004

On the J-block

So I’m sure everyone has heard about two actors being fired from my favorite television drama, CSI. Jorja Fox and George Eads apparently argued their contracts, wanting an increase over the $100,000 per episode, 24 episodes per season. Now, if they want to argue their pay, hey more power to them. I’ve got no bones with that. But when Eads came back and said, “Oh, um, naw man, I just overslept. Come on, now!” Maybe he did. But if not, that’s really chickenshit. Be a man. Take your medicine.

Lance Armstrong won again today, increasing his lead to over 4 minutes. He was particularly pissed today after a “fan” spat on him last Saturday. Apparently that’s considered sportsmanship. Can’t beat the motherfucker fair and square? Spit on him. That’s okay. He was taken care of later that day by another “fan.” U.S.A! U.S.A.!

Some rich bitch housewife at Tar-zhay yesterday refused to remove her DL from her wallet so the clerk could compare her signature with that on her slip. She’d apparently failed to sign the back of the credit card. After a lengthy debate, he finally called in management who backed him up (good for them) and told her to take it out or leave empty-handed. She ripped it out and threw it at the boy. She told nobody in particular that the last time she took out her DL the clerk at that store forgot to give it back to her and she had to drive all the way back to the store to get it.

It’s your driver’s license, you arrogant bitch. Your DL. Your responsibility. Your fault. Shut the fuck up, sign your damn credit card, show the kid your DL, and TAKE IT WITH YOU WHEN YOU LEAVE. She needs her ass packed into a crate and shipped UPS to the Ukraine, no return address.

Speaking of the Ukraine, Chernobyl is now offering tours for those of you feeling a little too fertile. Or perhaps you’re bored with the standard two legs, two arms, one head variety of newborns and want to spice things up a bit. Nothing like a two headed mongoloid to impress the coworkers.

“Holy mother of Jesus, Frank, did you see the eyeball on that kid?”

Not to fear. Your tour payment includes one free scan for radiation at the end of your journey. At least that way you won’t be surprised down the road. Ever see Silkwood?

That's your news around the world in 80 seconds on the J-Block.