Thursday, July 01, 2004

Someone's at the door

Guess what tonight is?

All the way home I was singing a little tune. I did a jig once I got in the door, "It's porn night, it's porn night!" This past week has been a little more stressful than usual, I was eager to blow off some steam, or what not.

I set the mood, because nobody can seduce me better than me. Every light in the house went on. Women like it dark so we don't know they jiggle when we're fucking them. Men like it bright, so we know they jiggle when we're fucking them. It's a sign of our power, to make it all move around. Sometimes, when I'm fucking and I'm trying to think of anything other than the fact that I'm fucking in order to prove my stamina I sing the Jello song in my head, "Watch it wiggle, see it jiggle..." Regardless, it's difficult to find the Rewind/Play buttons on the DVD remote in the dark so the lights go on.

I fix a scotch, no ice. Can't have cold fingers, ya know. Grab my trusty towel and giant-sized pump bottle of Lubriderm and lay it all out on the coffee table. What shall it be tonight? I slide out the drawer of DVD's, all the way out, to see the collection hidden in back. Aha! Princess Mononookie. Chinese food, it is!

Chapter 1 sucks, so I immediately skip it. 3, 4 & 7 are pretty good. While it's gearing up I take off my shirt. Can't risk staining a work shirt, ya know. I no sooner get my hand on my fly when the doorbell goes off. Fuck!

I look out the peep hole. Holy mother of - Jasmine!

I'm standing behind my door, half naked, porn already playing on the 52" SONY in Hi-Def, towel, lotion, scotch, FUCK!

In five seconds I undo an entire day's planning, throw the towel on my bed, toss the lotion bottle behind the couch, turn off the TV, and yank open the door.

"Jasmine...Hi!" Heart pounding, breaking a slight sweat along the brow, trying not to pant,...

"Mind if I come in?"

I step back. "Absolutely, come in." When she wears heels she's as tall as I am.

"Am I too late?"

At that point I realize I forgot to put my shirt back on as she looks down at my awe-inspiring six pack. "I'm sorry?"

She laughed. "Jay, we've worked together for two years. I know you." She kissed me and said, "Tonight is your porn night. We gonna do this or what?"

Sweet Jesus..."I think I just did."