Thursday, September 09, 2004

It's a jungle out there

Poker night has been cancelled twice now because I play with a bunch of pussies. One guy said he had hemorrhoids. Bring your doughnut pillow, you sissy. We won’t laugh for very long. Another one said he had to go home and get a piece of ass. Funny how his wife only puts out on poker nights.

So rather than boating up in 7 card down the river and raking in the massive nickel-dime-quarter pot, I found myself alone at home…on the internet…exploring my cyber backyard. It was by complete accident that I ended up looking at ladies lingerie by Dolce & Gabbana. Before you overestimate my experience, take a look at this picture. If you’re anything like me you will click on the zebra print thong and zoom in on the coochie shot. Go ahead, give it a try. I’ll wait.

Now tell me, what the fuck is wrong with that nasty whore? Who in her right mind shows up for a lingerie shoot with D&G and forgets to mow the lawn? Jesus Christ, you repugnant hoochie! Do you think you’re so fucking hot in a thong nobody will notice the ingrown hairs and 5 o’clock shadow creeping out the side? I know it's zebra print but, damn, ain't nobody asking to see your National Geographic up in there. Give the monkey a buzz next time before saying "Cheese!"

I was so disgusted I almost chose not to check out her nipples peeking through the transparent zebra striped shirt in the lower right corner. Fortunately, my fortitude carried me through this trying ordeal.

What do you think of the template? I’m test driving it. Another 9 miles and a blow job in the back seat and I should know whether or not I like it.

One last thing, Friday night at 11pm Central time I will take this blog offline to post a 9/11 tribute that will remain up until Sunday morning. There will be no comments section during that time.

Better speak now or forever hold your peace.