Thursday, December 30, 2004

Something's gonna pop

Something’s been on my mind lately. Every time I look at her I think about it. She’s so beautiful, even after she barfs. I realized last night when I waited until I could get home to talk to her before deciding whether to pay down my mortgage to get out from beneath the PMI payment or put the extra cash into savings for the babies that I valued her opinion on major decisions. Not just on which socks match which slacks.

But this morning she inadvertently confirmed it for me. Just before dawn I heard her jump up and run to the bathroom. HOORAHRARRORORAHRAAH...BLAH. PTOO. “Jay?”

I'm coming, I'm coming. Shit I was tired. I got up and snatched a towel out of the hall closet and walked into the bathroom with it. “Let me wet it.”

“No, honey, I’m fine. You overslept. You need to get up or you won’t have time to run.”

Do you have any fucking idea how many years I fantasized about this woman before finally having the nads to ask her out? I compared her to my ideal partner, wishing each woman I came across had plenty in common with that Jasmine woman at the office because damn wouldn’t that be fun? Hot, smart, level-headed, hot. And here I stood, clad in the underwear she bought for me while she hunched over the sink rinsing the vomit out of her mouth with that green ethanol she calls mouthwash, pregnant with my babies and worried about me missing a run. Her, Jasmine, not some knock-off impersonator I hoped would resemble the real thing like that artificial crab meat you can buy at the supermarket for $3. So why won’t I marry her? What in the hell am I waiting for, a fucking flash fire in my front yard that singes my nearly dead grass so that it reads, “She’ll do, go for it.”?

I’ll tell you one thing. She fucking deserves better than me, that’s for damn sure. But I’ll leave that decision up to her. In the meantime, I’m willing to bet $4000 that she’s foolish enough to settle at the least. I ordered her a ring today. I chose an Eternity band like this one with 3.25 carats. I know it isn’t two months salary, but I don’t think she buys into that bullshit. She doesn’t wear much jewelry and I thought this was tasteful with enough carat weight so folks don’t apologize to her when they see it.

The jeweler agreed to meet me on New Year’s Day when I get back from my old man’s place to pick it up. I’ll ask her then.

Somebody pass the Tums.