Monday, December 06, 2004

Your place or mine?

Today was the 30k race in Sugar Land. I lost nearly a minute per mile average. It’s a long damn race, 19 miles. Those last two miles burn like hell. The only consolation is knowing I can quit before 20 miles when the wall kicks my ass.

For nearly 3 hours I ran and I thought. I thought about why that bag pipe guy is brought in to play at every damn race. Why a bag pipe? Why not a saxophone or drums? I thought about the babies and whether they are boys or girls or one of each. I thought about floor plans, both at my house and at Jazz’s. I thought about Murphy, back at home under the cottonwood tree. I thought about Sarah’s upcoming vacation and wondered how Jasmine and I will work together when she covers me during Sarah’s absence. I thought about Pop Rocks candy and wondered if they still make that stuff. I thought about my little sister Katy. And about Mom. And how she must have felt when she found Katy in her crib that morning.

Funny how I never thought of that before. I just grew up knowing at one time I had a baby sister, and before I was old enough to retain memories, she was gone. I used to pride myself on being sensitive to others. For being able to put myself in their shoes when trying to understand them. My ex-girlfriend told me once that I had my head up my ass. I told her that was because it muffled the sound of her voice when she was bitching. Yet I never stopped to wonder what she meant by that.

I’m curious now as to how many people I’ve been insensitive too. Not so much that I’m going to sit down and make a list, but I’d like to run a few names through my head from time to time to remind myself that I’m prone to narrow-mindedness.

Jasmine’s due date is July 28th. We were told to expect them to be delivered a few weeks earlier than that to be on the safe side. They aren’t real to me yet. Jazz even admitted they aren’t real to her yet either. Regardless, I’m trying to do a better job of seeing things from her perspective. I was completely blown away with the comment that Jazz probably factored out in her head what it would be like to pay the mortgage, a car note and daycare for 2 kids on her income should I bail. Once she said she was keeping the baby(ies) I just looked at it from a we/us point of view. Hell, I can’t lie about wanting to have kids some day. I’ve written shit about it lots of times. It never occurred to me to bail.

Even after the race today, I’ve been very introspective. Jasmine wasn’t feeling well this morning so I went alone to the race. When I got back she was still in bed, upset to her stomach. It was an hour before I made the connection that it wasn’t the flu. Oh yeah. The babies. I almost forgot. See how easily it slips my mind? Later on she went Christmas shopping and I watched one game after another, not even shouting at the television when the fucker fumbled and cost me 2 points and the game in fantasy football.

Jazz will be moving into my house all month. We’re going to keep her house for the time being, possibly rent it out so the mortgage is covered. Her floor plan is better in her opinion, but my dog is buried in my back yard. She’s just going to have to compromise. I told her she can throw out anything of mine that she wants. Hell, I don’t have shit anyway other than a recliner and that huge fucking television. Which, in case you’re interested, is so wide I can have 2 different 30” diagonal screens side by side and literally watch two full size games at once. I’m so fucking the man. Yet my alarm clock is on a rickety metal stand with absolutely zero bedroom furniture other than a metal bed frame and the king sized mattresses where the king sized Jay-loving is performed. Ah, the memories.

We’re going to Cruella’s weekend after next. That would be Jasmine’s sister for those of you who missed that post. She and I get along real good. I’ll have the pleasure of witnessing the moment she learns that I have soiled the virgin uterus of her older sister. I can feel the love already.