Tuesday, January 18, 2005

eHarmony.com

I went to lunch today with Jones, Jesse and Danny. Jones, if you’ll recall, went on a banging streak Christmas before last when his lovely, high maintenance wife informed him she’d been doing some banging of her own while still under the bonds of matrimony. After Jones replaced shock with a shitload of bourbon he eventually dried out and signed up for eHarmony.com. That’s where he met Belinda, a little brunette who looks strikingly similar to his ex-wife minus the haughty pole up her ass and big price tag.

I asked him today if he was still dating that little brunette. He flashed me his left hand where a silver band resided. “No shit! Did you get married?”

“Yep.”

We all stared at him like he'd just soiled his pants and shrugged it off. Turns out he married her Friday at 1pm in the Precinct 4 courthouse. Looks like Judge What’s-his-face was a busy man last week. Jones hadn’t said anything beforehand. And now he sat there stumbling over his words explaining that the baby was due in May but they were going to get married anyway. All through lunch he dropped little comments like, “If I could have kept my pants up longer…” and “So much for reliable protection.”

Maybe when the disappointment wears off they’ll be happy and be in one of those eHarmony commercials. For now, I’m not so sure this is the kind of advertisement eHarmony is looking for. “Sign up today and meet your baby daddy!”