Monday, January 10, 2005

Redneck engineering

I just got the following phone call from my old man’s cousin.

Me: This is Jay.
Cuz: Pissbag?
Me: What’s up, Cuz?
Cuz: You know what your old man is up to right now?
Me: Ah, hell. Whatever it is, it better involve lying on his back with his cast in the air.
Cuz: (He laughs) Get serious, boy. He’s up on that roof o’ his.
Me: What the hell for?!
Cuz: He’s painting it white. Got a bucket of latex and a mop.
Me: You’re shitting me.
Cuz: Nope. He says the white’ll reflect the heat and keep his light bill down.
Me: It’s a trailer.
Cuz: Well, hell, boy, that’s why his light bill is so high.
Me: It’s January, it’s not hot outside.
Cuz: That’s why he’s doing it now. He’d’a died of heat stroke if he’d done it in July. You know, old Tommy up at the firehouse-
Me: I don’t want to hear anything Tommy has to say. How did you find out?
Cuz: Pulled up in his yard and saw him up’ere, mopping the roof. Offered to help, but he was good. I took his ladder to be funny.
Me: Did you put it back before you left.
Cuz: It’s out in my truck right now. I’ll bring it back in an hour or three. He ain’t goin’ nowheres anyhow.

No mercy for the weak. My old man talked the surgeon into releasing him from worker’s comp after 2 weeks rather than 4 months. I’ll be damn glad when he goes back to work. I get a call like this every couple of days from Cuz.

Along another line, some chic in Tampa Bay believes the only way I get votes is by using something called a bot to vote for me because people couldn’t possibly think I’m a bigger whore than the blog she follows. My mother used to say those who are always suspicious of others are usually guilty themselves. I’m a huge whore, not a cheater. Let's go prove it.

Don't forget about Vannah.