Tuesday, February 01, 2005

David Fucking Copperfield

I asked Jasmine to give me some loving in the truck in the parking garage this morning. Surprisingly, she declined. It’s not like more than a dozen people might have seen us or anything. I then tried to negotiate a hummer. Nada. All that crazy monkey love from the beginning is long gone, I see.

In my sexual frustration, I dropped the keys into the cup holder to grab my briefcase from the back and check inside to make sure I’d brought back the files I’d taken home to look over. All was in good order. I hopped out and we headed in. Fifteen feet away I remembered the keys.

Shit. “Hang on.”

When I got back to the truck the doors were locked.

“Jay, what are you doing?”

Dammit. She’s always telling me to quit dropping the keys in the cup holder. “I left the keys in the truck and now the doors are locked.”

“How did you lock the doors without the keys?”

“I’m David Fucking Copperfield. Go inside!”

I’ll call OnStar. They’ll unlock it. How did I lock the doors without the keys? But when I pulled out my cell phone I couldn’t get a signal deep inside the garage. Fuck. Bet the satellite won’t be able to find the truck, either. It was too dark to see inside, but I remember dropping them in the one on the right. Damn dim ass garage lights. Plus it was raining so there was no sunshine at all. I knew from the snugness my balls were smarter than I was and had already gone inside.

To hell with it. I’ll deal with it later. I walked to the office and got inside to find Jasmine in the kitchen making her daily cup of wannabe coffee.

“Hey, I locked the keys in the truck somehow. I’ll take care of it at lunch.”

I knew when she glared at me that I was in trouble. “Your keys are on your desk. I grabbed them out of the cup holder and locked it as we were walking off.”

Son of a… “Why didn’t you say that?”

“Because you’re David Fucking Copperfield.”

Ah, shit. I didn't mean it that way. She was obviously irritated. I took a deep breath and looked at her for a long moment. I shouldn’t have yelled and she knew that, she was waiting to hear it. “I’m sorry.”

She didn't smile, but her face relaxed and she looked down at her coffee. She doesn’t get touchy feely at the office, but when she walked behind me to leave and said “It’s okay” she grazed her hand over my ass.

Fucking flirt. Maybe I’ll forget the keys in the truck again tomorrow.