Wednesday, February 23, 2005

See ya later, buddy

My blogroll is short and yeah, I’ve caught some hell for that at times. Zelda posts regularly, Jack every few days, and Trashman whenever he fucking feels like it. On my toolbar I have my own blog, then Savannah’s, then Angi’s.

Any time I log on I check Savannah’s blog first, then mine, Angi’s, Jack’s, Zelda’s and Trashman’s. That’s my routine. Every time.

So when Jack suddenly pulled his blog offline, I was floored by the absence. It fucked up my whole routine. Not only that, his is one of those that I read out loud to Jasmine. If my marriage suffers, it’ll be Jack’s fault.

I found Jack’s Texas Music in June of ’04. He’d commented at the Former Life at TJ’s Place with something almost as witty as something I’d say. I believe he was preparing to go skydiving at that time. Shortly after he posted a story about Seth. I haven’t read it in 8 months but I remember it damn well. The pacing was incredibly smooth and I had to admit I was impressed.

Then, of course, there was the bullshit I somehow managed to find myself in the middle of when Vader and I weren’t seeing eye to eye on an insensitive phrasing of a delicate question I posted over at Sloth’s. I found myself before the firing squad and if you ask me I think Jack was quietly laughing his ass off out in Somewhere, TX. That’s when he devised the plan to stage yet another fight, only this one was to be between us. Little fucker was trying to muscle in on my shit storm.

So we did, we staged a fight. It was fucking great. Every time he posted a pissed off comment on my site I cracked up. I would come back with something witty and brilliant and that motherfucker would one up me every time. Then I got him good. I posted the pic of the dog with a dildo in his mouth. I caught some hell from the readers on that one. Calling me names and shit, immature asshole, childish prick and what-not. Funny thing was Jack loved it. He just sat back watching the sea of people turn on me and run to him. Bastard. I think he set me up.

When I recall Jack’s post about his dad and the TV antenna I have to ask myself if that was his or mine. I’m sure that’s his memory, but damn it’s a helluva lot like my own. The post with the wire while inside making a buy was pretty heart pounding. Especially when the ambulance drove by and the siren could be heard on the tape. I thought the dealer was gonna cap his ass right then and there.

I greatly enjoyed the glossary of cop terms he posted, as several of you might remember. Of course, now that he’s removed his archives I’ll have a broken link in that post from July. I hate when he only thinks of himself. He also swore my post about how much I hate Wal-Mart was directly stolen from his blog, but I swear to you he never wrote a post about Wal-Mart. And nobody can prove otherwise now. I also enjoyed his S&M posts because he was into that kinky shit. You might have missed them, but they were pretty fucked up. He was all about some nipple clamps and size 12 clear platform heels. I’d put a link, but as you already know they’re all gone now. Pity. It was some freaky shit.

The recent one about being pulled over was funny as hell. I read that one several times, laughing in the same spots over and over again like a retard. Rolling probable cause. I also enjoyed the one weekend a month posts as well as the one about the soldier wannabe trying to scam free drinks with his mismatched “fruit salad” and all that other shit he said that I couldn’t understand. Jack earned my respect on that one. Not because he called the man down, but because someone commented that he was a jerk for trying to intimidate the young prick. I called the anonymous commenter a flag burning coward for hiding behind anonymity to insult someone standing up for our military. Jack didn’t just set the record straight with the Anonymous one, who was later discovered to be a commenter by the name of “KC,” but he got onto me for jumping his shit. That was the part I respected.

The Michael Moore post was great. I really enjoyed the one comparing Kerry to Bush. I found it to be as close to objective as humanly possible. I learned a lot from the Assault Weapon Ban post. I began to understand the hard work, low pay, emotional stress and driven need to be a part of the Task Force despite all of that. I also recall one paragraph from a particular post that hit too close to home. It was the one about scorpions a few days after his dad died. The one where he got stung and had salve below his eye when he decided his dog Alex looked like he needed a hug. It reminded me of the week after Mom died and I knew the feeling. And lest we not forget The House That Jack Threw Up In.

I don’t pretend to know Jack personally. Hell, I don’t even know his fucking name. But I suspect that’s a technicality that won’t stand forever. Now that he’s AWOL maybe I’ll throw some old emails up here where he goes into detail about his bunions and hemorrhoids. Don’t know why he always shared that shit with me. Also, I'm 80% sure he was in love with me in a weird hetero kind of way. Yeah, you take that shit to dinner and chew on it for awhile.