Tuesday, March 08, 2005

The Germinator

Been running a fever the last couple of days, hence the reason Jazz took her own car. 103.1 according to her new baby thermometer she couldn’t wait to zap me in the ear with. My head hurts, there’s some nasty shit coming out of my nose when I sneeze, my ears have checked out for the time being and when I glanced in the mirror this morning I could have sworn my hairline was not where I left it. I think the germs are eating my follicles.

I can remember a time when I walked around feeling like a champ, carrying a stiffy 3 or 4 times a day, never had fevers or body fat or hair in my ears. Now I’m sleeping in the third bedroom several nights a month to keep my evil germs away from the party of 3 holed up in my nice, soft king size bed with the crunchy down comforter and silky 600 thread count bed sheets. I feel like a dog that got caught pissing on the floor, dammit.

It was Katy, that little shit. She gets me sick every time. She’s a walking germ factory, manufacturing the crap and spraying it like a shotgun blast every time she comes over here. “Uncle Day, I give you a kiss. Come ear-atchoo! Hee hee, I ‘neeze on you.” I frantically wipe at the shit before it has time to seep through my skin and infect my blood stream but alas her bionic taint overcomes me every time. Little shit.

Jazzy and I made out a will last week. Legally, we can’t address the children in it yet because they haven’t been born, but we were able to foreclude them should something happen to her during delivery or what not and the children survive her. Sucks to think about that stuff, but you gotta. And assuming something happens to both her and me before we have time to amend it after their births we left them to my sister and The Professor to raise with Kadybug. Katy is mine if something happens to Julie. The Professor is not her father and her biological daddy is probably living under a bridge somewhere tapping a vein. I have legal guardianship of her so the state doesn’t whisk her into foster care while I fight it in court. All stuff nobody likes to think about, but hell if you’ve got life insurance you’re halfway there. Might as well follow through.

Here’s The Germinator weekend before last. There's only one way to watch 102 Dalmations on TV. In full costume.