Friday, March 04, 2005

The holiest of shits

Whatever it is that compels us to look at something we know we don’t want to see is buried deep within us. Like a pair of old lady tiddies in the breakroom. I knew they were old. I knew they were ugly. But they were tiddies and I needed to see them. I can’t explain it. It’s primal.

So today when Jesse and Danny and I came back from lunch and stopped off at the restroom it was destined by nature to be interesting.

Danny and I took the urinals with the usual spacer urinal between us and began doing our thing. That’s when Jesse, who had headed for a stall, suddenly shrieked and ran back toward us.

“Man, you gotta see this!”

I gave Big Jay a moment to wrap things up, shook him off and dropped him back down into my pants leg before turning around. “Pass.”

“No. No. Come here. Now.”

Danny looked at me and smiled. He started chuckling and shook his head. “Uh uh.”

Jesse was pacing back and forth between the stall door and us. His eyes were huge. I started picturing a bloody body with a tourniquet or maybe a python. “Can't you just flush it?”

Jesse suddenly halted, raised his brows and stared me down. “Ya think?” He swept his arm out toward the stall door. "Go for it, bitch. Take her down."

My life path altered in that moment. It was a split second decision to subject myself to something I knew could cause permanent retinal burn-in. An image destined to pop up during sex when I least expect it. But I wanted to know, to see for myself, what could upset a man who stood roughly 6’0” with 200 pounds of push. It was a decision I quickly regretted.

I stepped up, leaned into the stall and...

“Holyshit! Danny, you gotta see this!”

Danny started laughing so hard he couldn't respond. He walked up, I'm sure against his better judgment, and looked inside. "Ahhhh, hell no!"

None of us will ever be the same.