Thursday, March 17, 2005

S&M nightmares

Today was the day for people to crawl up my ass and irritate my colon. Sarah dyed her brown. I could care less what color her hair is, but for the love of Christ does everyone in the office have to stop in front of my door and shriek the same thing? “Oh my god, you dyed your hair!” Shut the fuck up. The shit grows out of her head that color. It’s not exactly a skillset.

Hang on, right turn – I am hornier than a motherfucker right now. And for no good reason. I should be fine, satiated. But no. I’m sitting here with a hard-on watching a movie with Rosie O’Donnell in it. You would think it would be humanly impossible to maintain it under such circumstances, but here it is. Staring at me. Poking me in the chin. Shut up, you don’t know.

Well, Jasmine tried on about a half dozen different blogs and finally found one she likes. I helped her insert a photo since it required html, but other than that she did it all on her own. I’m not sure what she’ll talk about, but once she gets comfortable with it I’ll ask if she wants me to publish her URL.

For the handful of folks who have emailed this week about sending gifts to Jazzy, I’ll come up with something. To be honest, I don’t want anyone spending money on us. Especially those of you with $600,000 houses smaller than my first apartment. But you folks in Texas where the cost of living is actually decent, you bitches need to pony up with the double stroller/car seat/carrier combos. Stingy bastards. Save a brutha a buck.

Oh god, no! I just saw Rosie O’Donnell in a black leather S&M outfit. My hard-on's returning in full force. This is getting gross. I gotta go find my Lubriderm before I take an eye out.