Friday, March 11, 2005

War of the Roses

I am not vain. There’s a difference between vain and confident. Last night when I did my rendition of “Ain’t Going Down till the Sun Comes Up” by Garth Brooks which earned me a standing ovation from all 13 people in Papa’s Icehouse I didn’t let it go to my head, no ma’am. I took my applause like a gentleman.

“Thank you, thank you. Please, that’s enough. Thank you. Oh, me? I’m the greatest? No, not at all. But thank you. Thank you, folks.”

It helps when 9 of those 13 people are your already drunk co-workers. In fact, every damn one of us got up and sang a song before the night was over with. Which was roughly 7pm when Happy Hour ended and the price of beer went up.

For those who have never heard the song before, maybe I’ll upload it when I get home this evening so that you can be awed with my lingual skillz. I don’t know what my wife ever did to snag me, but she must have been awful damn good in a previous life.

Ah, but the tides turn, do they not? The DJ at Papa’s was a rookie at the firm for a few months until he fell out of his quintile and got the axe. He lets us pick songs as we go rather than submitting slips of paper for a turn. I rallied the meager crowd into chanting Jazz’s name until she gave me an irritated glare and stood up.

“Hey, honey, take the kids with you, will ya?” I earned a smack upside the head but it was worth it.

She whispered her song to DJ Jazzy Jeff and that’s when I got suspicious. What the fuck is he laughing at?

Not everybody is blessed with my vocal ability, but Jazz is mediocre at best and she knows it. I give her props for getting up there. Did I mention she was the only female there? That’s probably why she did it. Had any member of the shark pool been there she would have never gotten up.

Jeff queued the music and my compassionate, warm, witty, sarcastic, spiteful wife paid tribute to Carly Simon with a little “You’re So Vain.”

Even the fucking bartender was laughing.