Monday, April 11, 2005

I need Sex.

Is she ever fucking going to bed? I sat in my recliner, fiddled with my laptop, flipped channels at the most obnoxious speed possible. Asked stupid questions. Expelled gas. Told her to look at the huge booger I dug out of my nose. And yet, the woman just sat there on that couch and ignored it all.

“Honey, aren’t you tired?”

“Trying to get rid of me, Jay?”

“Me? No! No, no, no. Shit. Why would you ask that? Please. That’s stupid. Can you get me a coke?”

She actually laughed. Needless to say I got my own coke and when I returned I was still not minus one pregnant wife.

I popped up the foot rest and contemplated my options. 10:00pm. Much later and I’ll have to go to bed Sex-less. That would suck. I could always admit that I have a problem. “Hi, my name is Jay and I’m a Sex-aholic.” No, not good. That’s a secret I intend to let die with me. No reason to share shit like that.

“I fixed the brightness level on your alarm clock’s LCD.”

She smiled. “Thank you! How did you fix it?”

This is the part where I shrug humbly. “I made a few adjustments.” I removed the factory sticker off the light-sensor so it would automatically go dim in the dark. Failed to do it when I set it up for her. Moot point.

Another twenty minutes ticked by. I was about ready to give up when she shifted and pulled her legs up.

“You going to bed?”

“Yes. I’m tired.” She gave me a kiss. “Good night, sweetie.”

It’s about fucking time! Go, woman, go! Get your ass off to bed. Hurry it up. “Good night. Love you.” Close the fucking door, chica. Close it. There you go. Ahh, alone at last. Where’s my remote?

iControl – Select
(One Moment Please)
Premiums – Select
HBO – Select
HBO Series – Select
(One Moment Please)
Sex and the City – Select
Episode 69, The girls celebrate Charlotte’s 36th birthday with a trip to Atlantic City. – Select

Cool. I haven’t seen this one.