Thursday, April 14, 2005

Novacain

My smile is almost breathtakingly perfect once again. Last Fall one of my bottom teeth broke. The shit just snapped off. That particular tooth sits out just slightly farther than the rest and apparently was under a lot of pressure whenever I clenched my teeth during moments of genius. I’m surprised every damn one of them didn’t break off when you think about all the moments of genius I’ve aspired to.

He tried to putty that shit up twice but, again, I clenched through moments of genius and broke them both off. Ironically, all three incidents occurred while sitting on the can. The dentist recommended a DaVinci veneer and a little more fiber in my diet. Fucking sicko.

Today was the sanding with a temp adhered to the surface until the veneer is created. He had me numbed up, sanded down, plastic strips between my teeth, lips dried out from an hour of work, and was just starting to squirt the bondo shit when I heard, “Uh oh.”

To which I responded with, “Wahh uh uck wah ah.”

“Sorry about that, Mr. Jay. My resin got warm and was runnier than I had anticipated.

“Ahn ooh eh ih ahh?”

“Yes, sir, I can. I’m wiping it off right now.”

Then I shift my eyes to the right and see the expression on the hygienist’s face. What the – oh, hell naw! “Wahh uh uck ih oh-eeh ah?!”

“Calm down, Mr. Jay. Everything’s fine. Sally, sponge, quick!”

For the love of Christ.