Wednesday, April 13, 2005

Smoldering pile of monkey shit

Miss USA. What a crock of shit. I believe I’ve already stated my disdain for the fucking imbeciles who compete in beauty pageants, but I’m prepared to reiterate my position.

It’s really easy. There’s only one guideline to remember. Even a beauty pageant contestant can handle this one. If you have to walk across a stage in a bikini to earn money for college, you’re an idiot. You’re not entitled to a college education. Hobbies: watching television and spending time with family. You did not just say that. Hobbies: singing in the car and surfing the internet. Oh my fucking god.

And don’t give me that world peace pile of smoldering monkey shit, either. Ooh, you got asked a question on stage. Know what I heard? “Blah blah blah nipples blah blah perky bosoms blah blah blah fake, superficial, materialistic, blah blah blah my what big teeth you have blah.” Damn glad you got that scholarship. Sure would hate to see it go to some UGLY BITCH. We all know ugly bitches aren’t worth a damn, right? Big ass about to blow a seam in that size 24 bikini? You must be stupid, then. No scholarship for you!

But grown women competing on the basis of best T&A don’t piss me off as much as the mother’s who raised them that way. That’s who I really hate, those bitches like Patsey Ramsey. They make me want to shove my leg so far up their ass my toes are tickling the gray matter. Putting a little kid, a fucking baby, through that beauty pageant bullshit is cruel and irresponsible. Talk about fucking up a kid. Just a bunch of ugly bitches who couldn’t make it as beauty queens themselves now living vicariously through some poor kid who had the misfortune of being born cute.

I wish they would all go bankrupt. Fuck Trump. He can handle the financial blow. I wish people would entertain me by boycotting them. Now that I would watch. I wish they’d make a beauty pageant for men. I wouldn’t watch that asinine crap, but maybe then people would see the absurdity in it. I wish ABC would stop belittling my intelligence by trying to convince me these women are somehow superior to a college chic who works a pole on weekends. At least the stripper is earning that shit fair and square out of my pocket. And dammit, I wish for world peace.