Friday, May 27, 2005

HELL finally freezes over

I see Jack wants folks to believe he quit for the night when we arrived at Trash's place. All right. If that's how he wants to play it. No problem. I won't say shit about what happened with Lady Mike, because I'm not the gossiping type. And I won't say a goddamn word about the honky-tonk we headed to after we left the revival. Because if I brought up the honky-tonk I'd have to let everyone know that Jack is a damn fine two-stepper. Not from personal knowledge, do I know this, ya understand. But then again, it's apparently none of your damn business how I know because according to Jack it never happened. Hell, I don't blame him. If I'd spent the night two-stepping with some British fop with longer sideburns than my own I wouldn't want my friends to know about it either.

Damn good thing I can respect that about Jack. Boy, you just don't find friends like me these days. I hope he's at home right now counting his blessings. I know Trashman is. I'm still getting the emails from him. Being in the presence of the Jay Master is a life altering experience. I only wish everyone could share, but alas, there's only so much of this sweet little package to go around and it's saved for the ovarian carriers of the species.

On another note, because you know how much I love other notes, I found this on askmen.com. They should rename that site askjay.com. In fact, I’m heading to GoDaddy to buy that domain right now. I’ve got all the answers anyway.

"Here are a few things your wife or girlfriend might do after she tells you that she "forgives" you for cheating:


She'll throw it in your face
Every time you do something wrong -- you're late, or you say the wrong thing -- out comes the weapon... the "you cheated on me" weapon. From this point forward, she is a virtual saint because it was you who betrayed her.


She might want to know everything
She might drill you with 50 questions about the affair and let it go. Then one night, in the middle of an intimate dinner, she might have a few more questions to ask. The point is that she might not let it go -- ever.


She will taunt you
All of a sudden Joe, Jim and John's names seem to be popping up in every conversation you have with her. Suddenly there are hoards of men for her to take her pick from if she ever decides to get back at you.


She'll interrogate you
From this point forward, you're going to have to check in all the time if you want to avoid a paranoid interrogation regarding your whereabouts. Oh and every time she catches you lying, you're screwed, and not in the good way.


She'll cheat
Because she thinks she has a "get out of jail free" card under her belt, she might just sleep with that cute guy in accounting just to have her fill of the grab bag and feel as though she hasn't been taken for a fool.


She'll make you jealous
She may become more flirtatious around your friends so you might have to prepare yourself for a change in her attitude. The worst part is, if you make any negative comments about her behavior, she'll retort with, "at least I'm not screwing them."