Monday, May 02, 2005

Just Jay

I was given a scavenger hunt list this weekend to complete for the little lady who worships the ground that I walk upon. I spent half the day Saturday and all day Sunday collecting various items, running errands and basically making my wife’s life a little easier. Because that’s what I’m all about.

I negotiated, argued and bartered my way through Target and other fine retailers who’ve never experienced a man as cheap as I, and proudly carried off my prey from each store. After an entire day on the prowl, I finally dragged my tired ass back home. I saw my sister’s car in the driveway, hogging my damn spot as usual. Who the fuck pays the mortgage for this joint? Jazz knows I like that spot. And after all the shit I’ve been doing for her today, you can bet your ass she has that spot cleared for me the moment I walk through that door. All I gotta do is snap my damn fingers.

So I grabbed a big armload of shit from the back of the truck and stumbled blindly toward the house. I dropped a thing or two along the way, but nothing breakable so fuck it. I managed to twist the door knob on the third try and kick the door in so I could get through. The manly groaning and sound of a door slamming into the doorstop apparently sparked some interest in the kitchen, as it damn well should have, and I heard voices and a chair scraping. I twisted to the right to see Julie poke her head into the living room. Thank god, someone to unload all this shit on.

“Hey, can-”

But she disappeared before I could ask for her help. Fucking little brat didn’t even offer me a hand. I stumbled another two steps then saw Jasmine stick her head out from the kitchen. Finally, the cavalry. I could hear the horns blowing. Here, woman, take this shit.

“Hey, baby, can-”

But then she vanishes, too. What the fuck? And that’s when I hear, “Oh, it’s just Jay. Do you want some tea, Jules?”

One limp dick and suddenly I'm just Jay.